Why you'll marry the wrong person

ABC 136: The All or Nothing Marriage

In six months of researching Workism, one analogy keeps coming back to me: We are pursuing dream jobs like vocational soulmates. We expect work, like marriage, to help us self-actualize.

Psychologist Eli Finkel, in his book The All or Nothing Marriage, argues that in the last several decades we’ve come to expect our spouses to fulfill virtually every need: social, emotional, intellectual, sexual. Marriage has gone from an institution that promises companionship and security to an institution that promises love and sexual fulfillment to an institution that promises self-discovery and personal growth. The same could be said for work.

But there’s a problem with the notion that a perfect being exists who can meet our every need and satisfy our every yearning. Namely, it’s a recipe for misery.

Today’s article by the philosopher Alain de Botton offers an alternative to asking which life partner might bring us the most happiness. It was the most-read New York Times opinion story the year it was published and a welcome re-read.

Here’s the piece: Why you’ll marry the wrong person

Warmly,
Simo

P.S. The song of the week is from the ever-funky Lee Dorsey. Good if you have any rugs that need cuttin’. Full songs of the week playlist is here.
P.P.S. After a viral tweet sent some new subscribers this way (welcome!), I figured it was time to give ABC a facelift. Thanks to George for the logo.